Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
