White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
