Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
