She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
