I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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