Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
