he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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