And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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