You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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