Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
