She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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