She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
