His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
