I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
