): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
