we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
