I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
