the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
