You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
