Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
