I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
