just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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