i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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