WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
