after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
