Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
