You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
