Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
