Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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