ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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