I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
