This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
