My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
