Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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