Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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