If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My life is pants optional.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
