My hand turned me down
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
