I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Welp...herpes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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