he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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