I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
