I wish my penis had an off switch
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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