I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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