Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
