There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
