I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
