nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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