Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
