I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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