i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
