I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
