Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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