Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
