is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
