I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize
