she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
