I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
