going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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