Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
